I've been reading the forums and many of the blogs for weeks.
And now I feel its time to add my story. Hopefully this will be a place where I can write, maybe vent, feel safe to talk about the things that bother me and make me happy.
A little background: my husband and I (I'll call him Ren) started our poly journey 3 years ago. It began as an open marriage where we had (mostly sexual) encounters - first swapping with couples and threesomes, then we dated separately.
It evolved to what seems to be more about love and less about sex - even though sex is still an important part of our 'other' relationships.
He's had a girlfriend since the summer. Lets call her Lou. She has a boyfriend in another city who doesn't know about her relationship with my husband. This bothers me a lot (I've written about this here http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22245
) and this is a source of arguments between me and Ren.
I have 2 lovers.. boyfriends.. I'm thinking about what's the difference.. have to think some more.. One, lets call him MrBrown, I've known for 4 months. The other, lets call him Curlz, since 2 months.
Its a lot to process. I'm learning so much about myself, about what relationships are, what it means to love and be loved. Most of all, I'm learning about what it means to let go of my fears and to really open myself up.
My whole life has been a journey of learning how to open up. It finally started to happen after I turned 40, a couple of years ago. And there's so much more to come.