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Old 03-27-2012, 02:18 PM
Scott75 Scott75 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 2

Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
There's a lot of information out there about how to have healthy, happy poly relationships. I need more resources for how to have not-quite-poly relationships.
As some have said, there are as many different types of poly as there are people practicing it, and I think this is true. I personally don't do casual relationships very well. This doesn't mean that I can't take to someone quickly; I can become attracted to someone and even feel what I think of as love after meeting someone just once. That being said, I like to think there are different types of love; "love at first sight" is what I would call beginner love. This may -progress- into more serious types of love, but simply seeing someone once generally isn't enough to build much of a bond with someone. Some people may choose to do more then just a 'hi/chat chat/goodbye' first meetup, but I personally am not fond of this approach. Put simply, anything beyond a compliment (you're cute/intelligent/beautiful) is generally going too far, especially if you don't know if the feelings you have for them are mutual. Some even think that a compliment like one of those above is too much for a first meeting.

I've frequently delved into the different forms of non monogamy out there, and have now made multiple threads on the subject. I recently made a post over at the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (this is the association that's was in court representing polyamory in the recent polygamy case over in BC). Unfortunately, the moderator there seems to be asleep at the wheel, as there's a post before mine that was posted in February and still hasn't been approved. So I'll simply post what I said here instead:


I define polyamory differently depending on who I'm talking to. If someone has never heard of polyamory, I tend to tell them that polyamory is essentially ethical non monogamy. I may also go into the words within poly, poly = many, amor = love, so many loves. If people balk at the notion of many loves, I point out that most people love more then one family member; I have ofcourse shifted the meaning of polyamory to include -all- types of love here, not just sexual love.
When talking with fellow poly members, I have argued that even though the polyamory community shuns cheating, I think we should include them as polyamory if they truly love more then one partner. I've been told that you can't love someone who you lie (or omit telling) something to; I've countered that I don't think love should be defined so narrowly. Someone else has said that she didn't want to associate in any way with people who cheat, that it was hard enough to persuade people who might think that polyamory involved this element. To which I said what I said above; I simply define polyamory differently for different people; beginner's can get the simple version, but for someone already knowledgeable on polyamory, I think they can be ready for getting into more nuances.
Make no mistake, I do -not- approve of cheating, I'm simply saying that I don't think we should be so hasty to reject their being included in polyamory, even if it's the type we disapprove of. Another thing, if we include cheaters, the number of polyamorous people skyrockets. As someone else said, this isn't a popularity contest, but the fact of the matter is that I think cheating is an integral factor of the monogamous mindset; in many ways, it can be seen as poly people who are very in the closet and some do indeed break free from cheating and "become" polyamorous (by which I mean they stop cheating and tell their partners that they're with someone else).
I have also explored the crossover between polyamory, swinging and sex work. This has been highly controversial. I was removed from a poly group after bringing this up, and another one decided that the thread didn't have anything to do with polyamory and put it in the place to talk about non poly things. That being said, I stand by my beliefs here, and I challenge anyone to find flaws in my reasoning. Here are a few of the threads where I brought these subjects up:
The crossover between Polyamory, Swinging and Sex work
On Polyamorous Percolations:
The crossover between Polyamory, Swinging and Sex work
On the Toronto Escort Review Board:
The crossover between Polyamory, Swinging and Sex work
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