Originally Posted by Jade
Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. If there's any warning I would share, it would be this: although you may be developing poly and compersion-like feelings, if you haven't discussed it, I mean the four of you together, then you cannot assume you have a developing poly relationship.
The annoying encounter you described sounds like 100% normal swinger behavior... Be careful about the emotional risks you take while you lack information about how the other couple views things.
That't the thing, we have had a conversation about poly but their actions seem to be differing from what they say they want. The first "date" we had we all talked about how empty the swinger scene seemed & how we all wanted relationships not meaningless sex.
She is very affectionate with Hubby & every time it's time to call an end to their date she grabs him saying she wish he could stay longer. Yet it's up and down the rest of the week if he can have a real conversation with her.
This was the first the four of us had a date together outside our first meeting to see that we all connected. While we all seem to get along very well personality wise as well as sexually I was very surprised how compartmentalized it felt. Considering we've been seeing the other's partner 1-2 times a week I expected it would be acceptable for us to kiss hello to our opposite partner. Evidently that wasn't comfortable because rather than the sweet gentle kiss he normally greats me with I received a quick hug. Though there was flirtation throughout the night it was pretty clear initially they intended to keep things separate - this is my partner during vanilla occasions and that's yours. While we did have a good night it felt odd because I felt like I wasn't allowed to show affection to him. At the end of the evening when we thought we were all going to say our goodbyes and he did kiss me Hubby relayed to me that she turned away because evidently it was uncomfortable for her.
After the foursome date he and I saw each other again & I came out and asked (in my best cute coy sorta way because I felt a bit vulnerable) if he liked me (beyond the sexual) and he said he did very much. But I really wonder if she's on the same page since she's hot and cold with Hubby.
It's something I feel should be addressed but at the same time I'm intimidated because we haven't agreed to any commitments yet so I don't want to come across clingy. I'm not in love but definitely like and would like to know we're on the same page. Then I wonder if I'm over thinking it because this is sooooo hugely new for us. I mean he told me he liked me, messages me g'morning every day and told me he was bringing me a sweet treat back from a trip they took this weekend. How else does a guy tell ya he likes you. lol Are we over thinking this?