Originally Posted by mostlyclueless
Do you set boundaries for what your partner(s) can and can't do? Is it controlling to do that? How have you resolved conflicts between a boundary you feel you need, and respecting your partner's rights and autonomy?
There is much on this forum about boundaries if you do a tag search for "boundaries" "lessons" "foundations" and anything else that looks interesting. Its a big topic as it directly falls under one of what I and others consider the pillars of poly. The pillar it fall under would be open and honest communication. The other three, to me, are consideration/empathy/compassion, consent, and integrity.
Boundaries are not set by partners, they are negotiated. Rules are set by partners that can either be agreed upon or not, depending on the situation and the context in which they are made. Compromise is what happens if a boundary can not be agreed upon and there is an uncomfortable and awkward agreement to disagree or just see how it goes until an agreement can be made.
I have made requests that something happen or not happen in situations with partners, as a request for a boundary I have to be respected. I've waited to hear if its a possibility or not. My partner will offer me as much as they can give without jeopardising their own boundaries and I either agree or ask for a modified version of the first request.
The biggest boundary negotiation I had was with my mono boyfriend around my wanting to have sex with my new boyfriend. Its all in my blog during December 2010 onwards (maybe a bit earlier).