Thanks for your wise words! I have actually just changed jobs (to my dream job, yay!) and moved cities to be there, so that's helped. I've seen my ex a couple of times since and it's been nice but a little emotional (I immediately redefined boundaries to include no sex because it was something I could do easily to get the reality into my head that we weren't going to be primaries any more).
Thankfully the distance means that there aren't any hasty decisions being made with my boyfriend (and he's more than happy to take things easy for now), but I'm going to visit him soon so it's quite likely that future plans might come up in conversation (they've done so far, but in a "let's just take things easy and not rush things" type way). My plan in this city is to settle in at any rate - I have my dream career job here and I worked very hard to get here, so I'm definitely not planning on moving. I have plans to buy a house and get a cat and "long term" things like that, so I'm definitely going to be putting me first. One of the things I learned in my relationship with my ex is that I need to put my happiness above other things - from happiness in myself general happiness and stability in a relationship comes too.