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Old 03-26-2012, 09:20 PM
adrift adrift is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 26
Default Day 9

Today was another one of those long work days that sort of destroy me but I'm happy to say my day started amazing with some alone time with my lady. Thank god! I felt like it had been forever! (And to be fair, two days feels like forever with my libido). I had also asked for alone time with my boyfriend before I went to work today because he and Nancy were going away for the weekend and I knew it would be awhile before we'd have any alone time. But when there was time to have it, he invited Nancy to hang out with us and I felt it would be rude to go "No, it's our time to be alone," especially if he explicitlly invites her to hang out. I guess I felt like I would react badly in that situation if that's what happened so I didn't say anything.

It made me really sad and cue all the bad thoughts coming in, "He doesn't want to be alone with me. He doesn't care. He'd rather spend time with Nancy than be alone with me. I'm not as important." Blah blah blah. And currently, I'm not comfortable with group sex for a variety of reasons but mainly, I get jealous when I see them together, especiallly when I feel like my sex life with each of them isn't quite meeting my needs at the moment. I'm not haing nearly as much sexual contact as I want and need but I'm hoping to improve this. We left him alone to nap and I was feeling pretty low since it felt like he didn't care about me. So I went upstairs briefly to give him a kiss and talk to him about it, my brave thing for the day. Turns out Hardy forgot about us planning alone time. He asked me why I didn't ask for alone time when there was time for it and I kindly reminded him that I had asked for it the previous day. He appologized and felt upset. I hated to upset him but I felt good for not walking away from the situation carrying those upset feelings. And to know that I wasn't crazy for being sad and to hear from his lips that he does want alone time with me.

I just don't know why if he wants it too, he won't ask for it. I think he gets so stressed dealing with two women that he worries about upseting the balance so he won't. And he knows, I'm less tempermental than our girlfriend who has had times of extreme moodiness. But it frustrates me that it feels like he chooses her needs over mine because I'm less likely to cause a fuss. But deep down, I don't believe that's what is going on.

And despite not having the time with him that I needed, I got more time with Nancy and it made me happy to just sit on the couch with her, talk, cuddle, and watch stupid youtube videos. So in the end, it worked out because any quality time with Nancy is good at this point. It helped me to feel even stronger about our growing bond and me feeling like there is a place for me in this relationship. So many times, I see them together and think, "What am I doing here? Do I even belong here? They're so happy with each other, they're never this happy with me!"

Despite some badness, the night ended well. The three of us saw a late night movie and went to bed entirely too late. But it was nice to have time with them before they go out of town for a few days.
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