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Old 03-26-2012, 08:55 PM
adrift adrift is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 26
Default Day 7

First week down and sadly, day 7 was NOT a good day for me. I was exhausted all day from work being unnecessarily stressful, lack of quality sleep, and knowing I wouldn't be seeing either of my partners until it was their bedtime. I hate spending so much time away that by the time I get home, I barely see them and barely have time for myself before I have to go to sleep.

And I get weird if I stay up later than they do. I'm always afraid that by the time I decide to go to bed that I'll walk in on them having sex. It's one of the biggest hurtles I have currently, worrying that I'll walk in on them. I have bad memories from the first time we started a poly relationship, Harvey an I, and walking on him with our then girlfriend when he agreed not to initiate anything sexual when I wasn't around. That ugly feeling has stuck with me and every time I walk in on him with another person, I feel like I'm walking in him cheating on me even though since that point, I haven't placed any restrictions on his sexuality with others. But I hate that it makes me feel so uncomfortable.

I know that if things get better on my end and Nancy and I build up our relationship and our bond that it won't bother me as much. I'm not so optimistic that it'll go away completely, the jealousy, but I've had moments where it's much more manageable and it's when my needs are met.

I'm sorry so say, I wasn't very brave today. I let my bad thoughts get the better of me and I let my stress ruin my day.
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