Originally Posted by PolyCurious4
This last weekend we had a double date that ended up in the bedroom with the four of us. I felt twinges of jealousy when seeing him ‘finish’ with her. I also felt a bit annoyed, for lack of a better word, that I was not able to enjoy the quiet cuddle time with him afterwards. Often in the lifestyle intimate time shared after the act is shunned and the expectation is that you will move back to your spouse when the sexual endeavors have completed. One of the things I enjoy is the time we normally spend cuddling, talking and sharing our thoughts afterwards. To not have had those moments to connect felt empty to a sense. I would have been completely happy if she had cuddled up with my Hubby and vice vs. Ultimately this seems ridiculous to me to have these thoughts because it’s his wife – what’s he supposed to do, shove her aside. So dumb.
I think that what's more dumb are all the silly little rules in swinging that would make it taboo to cuddle with whomever you want in a room where swapping and sex with multiple partners has taken place. The whole swinger lifestyle seems to apply such unrealistic and possibly harmful limits on any emotions coming up, "Let's keep the sex all just bodies and physical sensation. And when you're done with another partner, go back to your spouse because preserving the dyad is of utmost importance. No feelings for anyone else allowed, not even wanting to snuggle!" Geez, don't let a stupid swinger rule book keep you from feeling affectionate. I am sure plenty of people have group sex, who are not into the swinger scene, and don't worry about who they're snuggling with at the end. Why couldn't you all cuddle together in one big puppy pile afterwards?
I think you have to start talking with your partners about loosening up the controls a bit.