When will this passing on of information stop? I don't think your bf knows that he is contributing to the discomfort of everyone involved by telling you what she told him, when these are all things you should be hearing for yourself from her mouth.
Also, cut him some slack on his defense of her. He sees her as someone he needs to protect and she may be feeling in ways that she didn't feel before you came along. The urge to defend is that much stronger, because he cares.
I don't think there will be any resolution of anything, including the lack of focus on your feelings, until there is a serious talk between all of you, and also between you and her. This can't work if you see one another as opposing forces.