Originally Posted by persephone
I have one very simple problem with DADT relationships.
Guy: It's OK for me to date you/sleep with you. My wife has given me permission to do what I like, she just doesn't want to know about it.
Me: I see. Will she have one conversation with me and tell me that it's OK for me to date you/sleep with you?
Guy: Oh, no! She doesn't want to know any of my partners or anything about them or anything about what I'm up to. She just wants to be left out of it.
Me: I see. So how can I tell you do really have "permission" and aren't just cheating on her and lying to me?
I've had this conversation a LOT and I almost find it amusing now.
I really need to know that I am not a secret fling. THAT part is a deal breaker.
Do I need to know every detail or expect every detail of what we do to go back to my metamour? No. There is privacy.
I happen to like knowing more about my metamour, and being able to talk to her. She likes that I am willing to acknowledge that she exists and that she is important to my Love, because a previous woman that he dated liked to pretend that she did not exist...did not want any reminders that he was married.
So, anyway, the DADT stuff can apparently cone from either direction.