I have one very simple problem with DADT relationships.
Guy: It's OK for me to date you/sleep with you. My wife has given me permission to do what I like, she just doesn't want to know about it.
Me: I see. Will she have one conversation with me and tell me that it's OK for me to date you/sleep with you?
Guy: Oh, no! She doesn't want to know any of my partners or anything about them or anything about what I'm up to. She just wants to be left out of it.
Me: I see. So how can I tell you do really have "permission" and aren't just cheating on her and lying to me?
I've had this conversation a LOT and I almost find it amusing now.