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Old 03-25-2012, 07:06 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 645

I think it is strange to expect them to find someone new together. This has happened once in the constellation you are currently in, why should they go looking together to find someone new? The chances are pretty rare I think, that this will work again. It is not an uncommon scenario to think of them as friends afterwards who are in each others' lifes and that's it. Helping each other overcome the loss and trying to start anew after it. Just like 'normal' friends, I would expect them to stop being metamours or see themselves in those roles.

Are they really more than friends now? In your case you said they are semi-lovers, but except the fact that they 'share' you there is no connection. When they loose you they will both miss that link, but the rest stays the same. I wouldn't expect my men to go looking for another shared wife after my death. It has been a coincidence that they both found me and that we are together right now, but that is that. I can't imagine them hunting for someone to fill that gap together. And it wouldn't be successful, as far as my imagination goes.

When I die they will be as much a single person as before and go looking individually. That is at least what I can think of when pondering over this. If a future partner would be found and that partner would really fall in love with the other as well, it would happen and it would be ok, just like now. But none of them would approach a potential new spouse with that scenario in the back of their mind.

Some thoughts from Sward on this:

If there would be children (in our case) he is sure that he would stay involved closely in the life of Lin, as the parents always stay in the lifes of their children. Maybe he would have an urge to stay together with Lin space-wise as well, meaning living together in some kind of room mate arrangement, which would strongly depend on the age of the children. In our current situation things are too fresh to talk about that already, as we just get used to each other (living together less than a year). But after some decades of a shared life needing the other is as well imaginable as needing some space because being together would magnify the pain for them.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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Last edited by Phy; 03-25-2012 at 07:17 AM.
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