Magdlyn, thank you for pointing out some other things. To answer your question, no i dont presently see much BDSM..but nor do i know a whole lot about it.
As for the requirement of me being there, i dont know why for sure, but she says it has alot to do with fidelity. As in, she feels its not "cheating" if I am there (as in at least at home)
Is this a form of "polyamory"? Or is this something else? Does anybody see this as a future train wreck or would this be a relatively safe thing to do?
By the way, thank you to everyone who has added to this conversation.