New territory in jealousy
A lil history…
I’ve had my seasons of jealousy and worked through it long ago. I haven’t see the green eyed monster in a long time.
When Hubby’s & my arrangement changed recently from a swinger lifestyle to being involved separately with another couple I expected there to be some emotions to work through. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I felt secure and happy for Hubby. I am genuinely happy to see the smile on his face when he comes home and find it very appealing seeing him show care & compassion for her. So I breathed a sigh of relief – all clear.
Or so I thought…
I have been experiencing jealousy with the male counterpart of the couple we’re seeing. They are brief moments of feelings that I have been easily able to think through rationally and brush aside. It’s more of an annoyance factor because I don’t know where this is coming from.
We have discussed the possibility in the future but currently there is not an agreement to be exclusive. Currently Hubby and I are not seeing anyone else and because we enjoy where this is going we have no plans to. I am under the impression they are not seeing anyone either.
These moments of jealousy have arose when he mentions he’s going out for drinks with a friend who happens to be a female. I find myself wondering if they are involved which brings on the jealousy and feeling uncertain about how he feels about me.
I have also found myself comparing myself to his wife – but not in relation to my hubby. I will focus on a trait that she has that I find desirable and wonder if he (her Hubby) enjoys himself with me as much.
This last weekend we had a double date that ended up in the bedroom with the four of us. I felt twinges of jealousy when seeing him ‘finish’ with her. I also felt a bit annoyed, for lack of a better word, that I was not able to enjoy the quiet cuddle time with him afterwards. Often in the lifestyle intimate time shared after the act is shunned and the expectation is that you will move back to your spouse when the sexual endeavors have completed. One of the things I enjoy is the time we normally spend cuddling, talking and sharing our thoughts afterwards. To not have had those moments to connect felt empty to a sense. I would have been completely happy if she had cuddled up with my Hubby and vice vs. Ultimately this seems ridiculous to me to have these thoughts because it’s his wife – what’s he supposed to do, shove her aside. So dumb.
I’m just having difficulty wrapping my brain around these new emotions and not enjoying them one bit. I think beyond the emotions themselves it’s the fact of their presence that is driving me crazy.
Anyone else every experience this? Is this completely ridiculous to feel? How do I work through when they seem completely irrational?