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Old 03-23-2012, 04:08 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
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Originally Posted by sinew View Post
It's strange sometimes to be reminded that people see it this way. I'm wrapped up in the struggle, and the few friends I have that know what is going/went on are mostly also Juliet's friends, and so they take a middle ground.
Make finding some friends of your own a HUGE priority. For a long time, all my friends were connected to my husband in some way. When our marriage started to really take a dive, I had no one I trusted enough to even just talk to. Later I realized that this lack of self was one of the contributing factors to the break down of my marriage. It took me almost 2 years to finally find some people I really connected with and I had to go outside my normal circle of activities. I spent so many years trying to force myself to think of certain people as "friends" when they never really felt more than acquaintances. The difference was amazing.

He feels I hold on to what happened like scratching at a sore. Once he said it was like we were ballet partners, and months ago he dropped and injured me badly, but now we're trying to dance again and every time he does the slightest thing wrong I snap at him about how my injury hurts.
A friend of mine was physically attacked by someone she trusted. For years she couldn't sit with her back to a door and she would flinch when a man would so much as walk toward her. Her conscious mind knew that she wasn't in any danger, but the automatic self defense reaction was still there. A breech of trust can take years to get over and that's when both parties are actively working their asses off to make things better. It's a long slow process.
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