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Old 03-23-2012, 02:43 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,286

Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
Oh, yeah. The old, dating double-standards to compensate for workplace double-standards waltz. Fair enough.
Preface: Sorry about the hijack, OP, feel free to ignore!

Who's talking about anything compensating for anything else? Not at all. I'm just pointing out that we all have advantages and disadvantages in different areas based on things we can't control and that holding each other back lifts no one up. Let me break down the analogy I'm trying to make, and understand that I'm not saying that jobs are to men as sex is to women in any way (jobs are jobs and sex is sex no matter your gender!), this was just the most easily understood area I could point to where people would accept that women have a harder time than men on average.

For a woman to say to a male partner "It's harder for me to get the sort of high powered job I want so I'd like you not to have one either so that I don't get jealous" would be pretty absurd and would not do anything to enhance her career prospects, all it would do would be to reduce his pool of jobs. Similarly, for a man to say to his bi female partner "It's harder for me to get the outside hetero liaisons I want so I'd like you not to have them either so I don't get jealous" seems like it does nothing to help achieve actual equality, all it does is reduce her sexual/relationship prospects without enhancing his.

Now if that is in fact what you need to not be jealous, and you seek out relationships that will work for you in that regard, I'm actually totally fine with that. I'm not a big fan of OPP but you seem to know what will and won't work for you and that's crucial. You do your thing, it's all good.

Where I draw the line is in saying that a man is "pussy whipped" if he lets his female partner be involved with other men, thereby, all other things being equal, having more prospects for casual sex than he does. The term implies an unhealthy relationship where one partner doesn't care for the other's needs and the other partner won't stand up for those needs.

To apply that term to any situation where one person has more prospects than the other is just absurd and kind of offensive to all the poly people, hetero and bi, who don't have gender restrictions on who can get with who but who do in fact have healthy relationships where they care for each other's needs. Again, what the heck are you supposed to do in a relationship where one partner is more conventionally attractive than the other and therefore has more prospects... is there no way to be open in that scenario without one partner being "whipped"?

Do you get what I'm saying?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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