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Old 03-23-2012, 04:05 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by squirtteacher88 View Post
Except now that we're married when I suggest finding a girlfriend as a couple she gets very jealous and seems disinterested in the whole idea. It seems almost like she was poly just until I made a legal commitment and then she switched to being mono.
Maybe she sees commitment as monogamous, maybe not. Have you discussed this with her? It sounds to me like you believe that poly is about sex from what you have said in your post. But then you say you don't and talk about NOT committing to other women you want to sleep with.... hmmmm, I notice quite a few inconsistencies...
Originally Posted by squirtteacher88 View Post
This isn't a horny selfish thing either it's that I feel kinda bad for not taking care of and protecting single women out there who are putting themselves out to be abused by guys who do not care about who they are as people but are just trying to have sex and leave. It gets to be very painful for me to hear about these kinds of things when they happen and it makes me want to love on them.
OOooooookay. This is where you have to bare with me. Totally gets under my skin this quote.

You are not the saviour of all women who have been done wrong. You are not the saviour of anyone. Do me and all women a favour. DON'T ATTEMPT TO RESCUE US. WE ARE NOT KITTENS IN TREES. Would you like me to rescue you from something? I doubt it. You would want to work it out for yourself because you are a grown up. You are not a child, women are not children. GAH, seriously. What on earth made you think that you could save anyone by dating someone just out of pity and so they could be all cozy in you and your wife's arms until they feel like they can go it alone. What makes you think that this attitude is any BETTER than a guy that uses them for sex? What do you have to offer that would convince a woman that they will not also be used by you too with the attitude that you will not commit to them but fuck them and pet their head?!
Really, if you want to help? Just listen and empathize, that's it. No other requirement. If you can't handle hearing it then ask them not to tell you. Your responsibility ends with being a really good listener. The rest just comes across as creepy.
Originally Posted by squirtteacher88 View Post
My wife is one kind (my opposite) but sometimes I want to enjoy a woman who is more like me and can share the kinds of things that I enjoy....... I just want to be able to have a long term relationship with another woman and even a trinogamous relationship since my wife is bi.......
Skip the trinogamy and get your own girlfriend. That would be my suggestion. Why do you need to be with your wife in a relationship. She is her own person and so are you. You are not one merged person. You are two people that have a relationship. You can also be a person with another woman and have a relationship.

Originally Posted by squirtteacher88 View Post
I don't want someone else to make a lifetime commitment to but rather see my wife and I as a transition relationship a woman can enter into when she doesn't have time for a monogamous one but wants affection when she needs it without losing focus on school, work, or other personal goals she has.
This is really not a good option in my opinion. What you are saying to me is that you will use her for sex and to get off on feeling like you are rescuing her and filling some need and she will use you both because she doesn't have time for real relationships. This to me is not poly but swinging. Maybe that would be a better option for you. At least it would be possible to have some sex without commitment of love involved. This scenario is not poly.

Originally Posted by squirtteacher88 View Post
My wife doesn't like the idea of us dating anyone since her last girlfriend (who only dated her exclusively) moved away to south africa and I continually feel like a douchebag for suggesting things that I think will help her get over it and get us back in the game. I'm just not sure what to do and I feel a bit confused about my own sexual identity (that most people would see at face-value and call douchey when it's motivated out of respect and love) and I feel confused about how to lovingly explain to my wife that this isn't just a desire for me it's a need.
Leave her to her own path then and find yourself a girlfriend. I think its rude and uncaring and unkind to suggest she "get over it" by finding a woman that you will take care off together. You should feel like a douchbag. You sound like one.

I think you have some stuff to learn about poly and about women. I know very few, other than in a BDSM scenario (that lasts as long as the scene) that would want to be rescued and taken care of by you and your unwilling wife. It just doesn't happen... at all? I don't know, never say never?

I can see why you are confused. You really have some more reading on poly (there is something that you are not getting somehow), some soul searching and some communicating to do with your wife. Bottom line? I think you need to find yourself a poly girlfriend that can take care of herself but doesn't mind crying on your shoulder and having her head petted when other men treat her like shit.

I am not going to comment on the squirting.... that is for another thread (trust you to hone in on that Dinged , lol). If you want to start one on this topic elsewhere then I suggest taking it to the "fireplace" forum. It doesn't fit the criteria here.
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Last edited by redpepper; 03-23-2012 at 04:08 AM.
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