View Single Post
Old 03-23-2012, 03:53 AM
StGCM StGCM is offline
New Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3

Thanks, and thanks for the reply. Loved Heinlein for a while, im actually kind of ashamed to admit it took me as long as it did to getting around to reading about the immaculate Michael Valentine Smith.

Honestly, one of the things im worried about is boundaries. If G decides she doesnt even want me and C alone in a room together, how am i supposed to cope with that? Maybe im just overly worried about the old monicker "Give them an inch and theyll take a mile".

And you know, Ive given myself the honest question. If i promised to G that i wouldnt do this, could i hold back? The answer is yes....resentfully so. Which brought a lot of pain to us yesterday, as well - G acknowledging that i would still want to have sexual encounters with C, even if i stopped myself for her.

Theres also the factor that, really, im not sure how easily me OR C could keep things restrained. We barely see each other as it is (I am enrolled in nursing school, which soaks up 60+ hours a week, which is a whole nother demon that i will address in a minute), and even our conversations over the phone or through text tend to be very limited because of C's social anxiety. So when we are actually physically near each other, its almost like we zero in for each other.

Another very large problem that you addressed rather astutely - how much will i hurt G, to feel for C? Well, put exactly like that, i wouldnt ever hurt G for C, and C has loudly and vocally stated that if she were to ever be the wedge between people that it would hurt her as well.

I feel a wedge coming up, and it doesnt entirely have to do with C. I feel like my feelings of love have evolved, because they honestly have. I have no compunctions or reservations about G seeing people, or sparking old flames, or anything of that nature, but she has repeatedly stated that this is not her desire, and that it even -hurts- her that i would feel that way. Here, G's insecurities come into play again, because sometimes i feel like yes, she does want to connect with other people on a private, possibly sexual level other than me, and other times she switches back to a total mono sort of mindset around me.

We had a friend come over for counseling with us yesterday, after G dropped the ultimatum. I had basically already felt the emotional detachment of "She has broken up with me", which i think im pretty discerning about since out of the 50 or so times G has tried to let go of me this has been the only time i really considered it already happening. So if we are already having these disagreements on love, on what it means, on how we are supposed to care for each other, then how is it possible for me to continue in this relationship, C being disregarded? What if i feel this sort of connection with someone else, and we come to butting heads?

As many hopes and plans for the future with G as i have, 1) I can see them also happening with someone else, 2)I see our definitions and expectations of our relations changing more and more, and 3) after yesterday, i am almost emotionally detached enough to call it quits and see what happens.

This is our spring break right now, too (and what a hell of one its been! -_-') and after counseling with our friend yesterday, we agreed not to bring up or dwell about C and M, to relax and enjoy our spring break, and to focus on each other. It's worked out ok today, so far, and it probably will until the end of spring break. But next week, i go back to the grind of school, and i am not completely sure i can deal with the level of emotional stress getting thrown around....stress primarily coming from my primary.
Reply With Quote