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Old 11-24-2009, 07:41 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Ilove2men View Post
Redpepper, that's exactly what I want to explore. Connecting with him beforehand and trying to maintain it while being physical and if I lose that connection stop the physical part and reconnect emotionally again. I think it will take a lot of time as well, but I am excited of the possibility of success.

It would be wonderful to be a fly on the wall and see someone else in this vunerable state and witness the outcome. Speaking about all of this has me envisioning this happening to myself and the biggest think I notice is that the vision of it triggers thoughts of vunerability and is this something I will feel safe in. So I see that this will be a very sensitive issue for me to overcome. That will take a lot of trust in myself. I do trust him with my safety. Its my emotional health that I question. Its scary to think of breaking down and releasing that pain while being physical and what he will think of me during this. I have a strong feeling that I may react that way at first because stepping over that line I've drawn all these years and not even knowing it was there could very well be extremely overwhelming.

I think that as we work on our communication skills I will be able to find the words to explain how delicate this will be for me. My biggest fear is my self defense mechanism has always been to lash out and push away when I feel too vunerable which would be damaging for the both of us. So this is something I need to look deeper into before I am ready to try to merge the two.
What he will think, if he truly loves you, is what a beautiful gift I am being given by this incredible woman that I love. I will give her the gift back of my love in the form of patience, compassion, empathy, and a listening ear.

You will teach him a huge lesson if he decides to learn that is. He will learn what damage people can do to one another and how strong the human spirit is to get through it. This is a valuable lesson for all of us and if your intend to build a life together it is huge in terms of raising your children and supporting one another into the future. One day you may need to support him in some way and you will be very willing to do so because he helped you. This is the nature of "depth" in relationships (which I talk about often on here) and is what brings us into adulthood. Getting over our childhood is a huge transition into adulthood if you ask me.

My husband did helped me 12 years ago now when I came out of hiding in the lesbian community for 10 years. I trusted him so much I left the protection of my community for him to help me get over the pain men had inflicted on me (that I allowed to some degree by not standing up for myself and pretending I was okay when I wasn't).

I knew our relationship could be great if I got threw my pain. It is! It taught me not to settle in anything I do in my life. I expect great depth from people and when I don't get it I graciously disappear and realize they aren't for me. Now I am lucky to of found "great" in many people and I am filled with the fullness of it all. Hard to explain really. In a nut shell? I am HAPPY.
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