Thread: How to...?
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Old 03-22-2012, 05:38 PM
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OkNewbs OkNewbs is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I have no desire to keep my children out of the loop. I have a 7 year old and a 5 year old and they are both very aware that their mom and dad have others in their lives who they love. We've never "come out" to them as such with any kind of formal talk we just live our lives. For me, anyway, I think that trying to keep things from your kids is probably far more detrimental to teaching them about relationships. If you are hiding things from them you are teaching them that you think that what you are doing is shameful and that there is something wrong with letting yourself love freely. As long as you are treating your partners with dignity and respect your child will learn to love the same way.

Do you have a dream that your child will grow up and marry monogamously and live happily ever after? Who knows, your child might grow up to be heavily involved in a lot of outside activities and might not want a full time relationship and may be perfectly happy being someone's something on the side. And there's nothing wrong with that. Live your life with integrity, answer your child's questions with honesty and everything will work it's self out.

Thanks for the response.

I think, when you get down to it, my dream for her, and any future children, is happiness. I think I want certain things, selfishly, sometimes, but bottom line I just want my kids happy & healthy & satisfied no matter what path they choose. While I may not *I'm going to sound hypocritical* choose an alternative lifestyle for my kids due to the social stigma & issues that come with that choice, I will support & advise best I can no matter what. They're my kids... I mean, how can you not love & support your own babies? But at the same time I want to pave an easy path for them, and I would hope their path remains easy. I know it's not realistic, but I'm Mommy & it's how I feel.

However, and it may not be an issue but one never knows, socially we feel we cannot share our arrangement with the vast majority of people. Kids don't understand that concept for quite a while, and even then it can be confusing. "Why can't so-and-so know? Why can X know, but Y can't?" There are concepts that children cannot grasp until older. Society can be tricky, even as an adult. While we are not ashamed of this arrangement, and are actually - I don't think I'm overstating our stance here - pretty damn excited about this chapter in our lives, in order to minimize drama, etc. it is best to keep this a quiet matter, shared only with certain people who have proven true.

Yesterday we did share with a like-minded friend (we didn't know that when we told, but he said after hearing us), but he was the first person we told outside of this forum. Our siblings & parents, our church ( we're poly baptists! OH NOES! ), and some friends who we value, but recognize cannot be trusted with such knowledge for various reasons, would not understand, respect, or even just leave be, this lifestyle.

I guess my worry where Bits (daughter) is concerned, is confusing her or causing upheaval in her life once friends/classmates/teachers/"outsiders" really become a factor.
Steph: Wife, Bisexual, 24 year old mom to 1
Patrick: Husband, Straight, 23 year old dad to 1

Currently exploring Poly together, our latest adventure.
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