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Old 03-22-2012, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by feelyunicorn View Post
In other words, she calls it polyamory, but the amorousness is lacking. It doesn`t surprise me she now identifies as monogamous even though she`s sleeping with 3 guys.

Perhaps, the reason why she hasn`t defined boundaries between you, is that she doesn`t want any as she doesn`t have any feelings for you. You might just be a lay, so long as you`re willing to dangle on her string...

And, in R, it may be a case in which she`s constantly witholding something.
Wow.

The way I see it, H. simply enjoys seeing people casually. She travels a lot and has several relationships but doesn't consider them serious yet. And we don't know if she's having sex with three men, we just know she's seeing three men. One does not automatically assume the other. She could just be dating and not sexual with everyone she dates. Apparently, if she did see one guy emerging as serious, she's likely devote to being mono with that person. Til then, she doesn't want the pressure of trying to make it work and be all heavy and laden down with commitment. So, she likes things to develop slowly. Nothing wrong with that.

And in reality, she and the OP have just started going out and having a little romance and making out. She might not see that there's anything there yet, beyond some attraction and perhaps potential for more. But why rush it? She seems to have a busy life.

As for R. "constantly withholding?" Where did you get that? It seems to me that things did not progress with her because the OP was overly focused on that "bonfire" he had burning high and hot for H. I think R. just might be a little shy and also seems to like things to move slowly. Or she may want more but the OP hasn't seen it because of his preoccupation with H.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-22-2012 at 05:37 PM.
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