Originally Posted by Qarzan
So, what I'm struggling with, is, isn't it supposed to be healthy to express what you're feeling? I feel all bottled up. Why is it not ok for me to express this? Why is it not ok for me to tell her that I miss her? Or that I wish I could be with her?
My self-respect is telling me that I need to watch out for myself. In this way, if someone comes along and is not willing to accept me the way I am (ie- expressive) then I need to move on.
It's not that it's not okay, it's a matter of timing. It may not be okay YET. You do need to express your feelings, just not necessarily to HER. Because you have not established whether or not you have that kind of relationship.
If I've been dating someone for a few dates, regardless of intensity, 'missing' would be a bit much for me to hear.
I have been lately expressing 'missing' to one of my men. He ignores it. Which is fine. But what I say is 'I miss you' and then follow it with the chatty conversation customary to our emails. It's a direct statement, and I have no attachment to how he receives it.
You want to say 'I miss you' and for her to miss you too. It comes across differently.
Who says it's not okay to express yourself? Her? You? This forum? fwiw, I didn't hear anyone hear say 'don't express yourself' ~ more like, think about what you're expressing and this is how we might hear it if you say it like that.
and you're absolutely right to notice that it's a clue for you. perhaps you need someone more available (not long distance maybe?) and more emotionally available ('aw, that's nice to hear that you miss me'). I actually think that's a brilliant insight for yourself!