Originally Posted by nycindie
To be clear, I wasn't criticizing your relationship. At all! Your story just made me think of how sad it can be sometimes to love someone so completely and the parameters of the relationship still has its difficulties. I don't think we should keep our feelings at bay. On the contrary, I think we should let our feelings soar.
But then, when we realize we have these deep feelings, like loving someone, we attach meaning to that. We then think our behavior and the behavior of those we love must change because of those feelings. Even though things were working fine just the way it was, before we realized we were in love. And sometimes the other aspects of human relationships are very painful or unworkable, no matter how much we love someone.
That is what I meant by "overrated." I wasn't pinpointing you and your relationship, specifically, but was thinking in general after reading so many people's stories and knowing my own. Love is not enough for a relationship to be satisfying and bring us happiness. It takes so much more. How many people try to make certain situations work "because I love him" and yet there is always the possibility that it might never work, or that it was working already but now love puts a layer of added expectation over everything. It's a sort of sobering and yet freeing realization for me. But maybe I'm not making any sense to you, so I will stop hijacking your thread now. I wish I could be of more help.
Good points Cindie.
I was never of the belief that love was enough for a relationship, which is why I had to end my last one. Learning about poly too, has allowed me to feel more free in acknowledging the feelings that I do have for others, but I don't feel forced into attaching a final destination. I just enjoy the feeling of being, of loving them and feeling loved by them too, even if certain things remain unspoken and 'taboo'.
Sorry for the continued hijack new!