He feels as if he will lose me because he assumes that even though polyamory is common, it is not the norm and because I am solo, that i would want someone of my own full time. And that means the person I choose might not be okay with me continuing to see him or that I simply won't have time for him anymore. Either way, he likes to have me to himself. I know, it is a double standard. He says I deserve to be with someone full time. Makes me question his supposed belief system in poly as well. I never thought of it that way until now.
I am going to have that conversation with him this weekend about why he hasnt told his SO about the true depth of his feelings for me and why that scares me. As well, I am going to express my discontent that he apparently lives us both yet I am only entitled to one visit per week. I can make do with that sometimes but not always. This week, for example, I am struggling, and asked to see him tonight but he refused as he will already be away from her 2 nights this week when he works night shift , and is seeing me on Saturday. It hurt my feelings. Obviously it's not so equal. 1 night versus 6, you can see where it can get competitive and resentful.
What it also does is put me in a bad position. I only see him once a week and I want that visit to be great! How can we talk about the heavy stuff and work that out without ruining our one good night? Ugh
Maybe I should try to put myself back out there and see who I find. This obviously isn't working for me lately. I feel kinda ripped off.