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Old 03-21-2012, 05:15 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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Don't get ahead of yourself, you just started dating this guy. Enjoy it and get to know him but keep your feet on the ground and your eyes open. You are still processing the effects of a divorce and, even though the relationship with your husband is definitely over and has been for a while, you are still grieving the loss. It is easy to mistake infatuation and strong attraction for more than what it is. Go slowly. Remember that there are chemicals, like hormones, oxytocin, endorphins, etc., at work here, which make everything heady and euphoric.

Also keep in mind that while you may be the "second" woman he's dated, if it gets serious between you, you might not actually be "secondary" in his eyes. It's possible that you will be as equally important to him as his current girlfriend, eventually. But that's a long, long way off. I recommend dating other people as well. Don't glom onto the first available man that shows interest. You don't need exclusivity or commitments right now. You just got out of a long unhappy marriage. Be careful not to project too much into this new situation, and good luck to you.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-21-2012 at 09:10 PM.
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