Since I posted I made a huge decision.
There's this project I've been working on for almost 6 years. A blog that does not technically make me any money, but it has led to paying jobs, being known in certain circles, and a lot of connections with other people who work in the same field.
Lately I felt that my heart wasn't really in it anymore.
I started posting less and less, so while it did not actually take up a lot of my time, it did take up a lot of mind space because I was always feeling guilty about not working on it, not posting, letting readers down, not meeting expectations.
So I decided to quit.
It's not official yet, I'm working on a big 'goodbye' post. But already I feel such a relief from eliminating this stress factor from my life. I was hanging on to it because I felt defined by it. The more I thought about how my life has changed in the past 3 years, the more I realized that these changes are SO HUGE, that its impossible that they don't have any effect on my decisions about how I live my life and organize my work and social life.
Opening up my marriage has changed the way I look at human relationships (love as well as friendships) forever. I feel that THIS is the subject I should be dealing with. Instead of thinking about how I should spend less time thinking about polyamory and more about other things, I think the solution is to understand that this is the subject that is most important to me now.
Its what I want to write about.
So this is what I'm going to do.
early forties, straight.