I have been in a similar situation as yours now for almost 2 years. He and I are now deeply in love with each other. Yet, still it seems that every few weeks there is something new for us to manage and work through. But we try.
I don't have the answers you are seeking other than to tell you to be open, honest, have patience and trust in your relationship with him. And also to know that you are not alone in your feelings, experiences and thoughts. It's difficult to work through many of them, people don't really get how it feels to be Secondary. It can be hard to find someone to talk to about these crazy feelings you experience. It can be a lonely place. I have to admit, it's great to see another mono secondary on here that I can relate to.
Would love to chat more with you, if you'd like, perhaps via personal message if you'd rather that. Also know that there are awesome people on here that can give plenty of advice and insight.....
Check out www.morethantwo.com
for advice on dealing with jealousy and being the secondary. It helped me a lot....almost 2 years later, I still go back there and read the articles.