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Old 03-21-2012, 03:07 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Leeds, UK
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
When you come here asking for opinions and then say "no" to everyone's input, what can we really say? Are you looking for advice or just people to agree with you?
and also this from SourGirl - "The other option is to keep super-calm, super-understanding, and hope that it all sorts itself out. Meanwhile you can read 30 books on compersion, learn to lawn bowl, and waste 3 years of your life driving yourself crazy desiring physical intimacy. "

As everyone seems to be mentioning. It's obvious. But of course, when you're in that situation, it really is often difficult to see. Take a sit back [literally] and just have a good old think about your life. Where you are, where you want to be, what is the best way to get there?

You really are not happy here right now.

Arguments, I understand. People really don't have a whole lot of grip on their emotional brain. It gets harder to control the more tired, or depressed you are, or even just a little alcohol. It can really make you snap. If that is the case, I'd expect at least an apology for the half hour screaming match. On your part too, as I really doubt you're innocent in it. Even if you don't realise you did anything, it takes very little to trigger some people.

But once you're both calm and have had a good night of sleep and a tasty meal to fill you, both have a good sit down and really talk about what is needed.

You're jealous, she's not helping. She does have the right to sleep with whoever she wishes, as per these "rules" you both agreed on. and you can't ask her to just stop that. I think you should seriously consider equalising the rules though, so they work both ways. If she can have anyone, you can too. Why should you have to go out of town to do so? That's just silly. But she also has a point that you are just feeling sorry for yourself too. Because you don't go out there and find people yourself, doesn't mean she has to take the blame for it. You do have that chance.

As for you and her not having the sex with each other. Why is that? Have you made an effort yourself? How long has it been since you both just relaxed, went out for a meal and movie, and came home to just cuddle on the sofa, with a couple candles laid out? Assuming of course, either of you even enjoys that stuff. I know I do. =P But my point is, get doing some stuff you enjoy doing with each other. People get lazy in relationships and stop trying. The sex she has with this other guy is probably because it's something new and exciting. You did something great to get her to marry you. So you can sure as hell find something to turn her on now. ;]

Good luck and all that.
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