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Old 03-20-2012, 10:41 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Originally Posted by SoCalDoc View Post
Just a quick update...
My wife is still "trying on" the GF idea, mainly as a mental exercise, enjoying girl on girl porn, and discussing fantasies during sex. I'm enjoying this process but also feeling a bit frustrated/disappointed w lack of real "action", for example no real effort to find/date a woman friend. But I'm not pushing, as this isn't something that can be forced.
Some of you asked whether I was looking for a GF for myself and my sincere answer was no, but during the past month or so I've felt a shift in my own feelings re polyamory. I'm now feeling an interest in finding a GF, for me! Was I hiding this from myself previously? Is it possible that I've been projecting my desire for a GF onto my wife? I don't have the answers to these questions. My own feelings re a GF are best described as poly-curious, still figuring this out. A GF for my wife is not risk-free but I think it would be "safer" for our marriage than a GF for me (several reasons). And the truth is I'm very happy/satisfied w my wife, so I don't feel a strong need for a GF, but it's fun to think and wonder what might be.

My comment is that it's doesn't sound healthy that you're frustrated and disappointed that your wife hasn't taken action. You may very well be noodling with the hope she'll start being sexual with somebody else so you can have the green light to do it too. Why a desire to get anybody at all (friend/family/lover single/widowed/divorced/poly, whatever) to get out and start dating if they don't feel the urge to? She knows she has your permission and will do it when she's ready if she is really interested in it.

It is odd that you even feel you have to mention you're not "pushing" her. I do get the feeling from what you said that it might come to that down the road, and you might really want to stay on top of it. If you find yourself getting more frustrated, how about asking your wife to keep the fantasies to herself for now, and let her know how it's making you feel. Not the easiest conversation to have, but it's probably better than pressuring her to get out there and date for less than altruistic reasons.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
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