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Old 03-20-2012, 09:21 PM
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beginninglove beginninglove is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast, USA
Posts: 69

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Why not?
good question. i'm going to be brutally honest about this. there are a few reasons.

1) in the beginning it was better, but we quickly fell into more of a comfortable place with each other that was more secure and less sexy. i think this is somewhat typical in long term relationships and there is a reason there is that stereotype about "lesbian bed death".

2) she has a history of sexual trauma that makes her less open to certain types of sexual acts and experiences. there are a lot of rules around what we can and can't do sexually that feel limiting to my own sexual expression (this is one of the main reasons she was open to poly) and she gets triggered if i'm too sexually aggressive (which i often enjoy being and have to really watch myself during sex with her, especially if i've had a glass of wine)

3) she is a big person and is much larger than me physically, almost twice my body size. this limits the positions we can be in and also limits her physical stamina quite a bit. both partners i have chosen to have sex with since we opened up our relationship have incidentally been very physically fit people and it has really made for a completely different quality (and quantity!) of sexual activity. i do find alex physically attractive, but our sex is very limited by her size and fitness level.

4) this one is harder to articulate, but the neediness i experience from her and the high levels of emotionality seem to make me less interested in sex with her. this may be loosely related to #1, where maybe its just typical that higher levels of emotional intimacy sometimes don't provide enough space for the sexual energy to breathe.

i would love to read any and all feedback on this stuff!!
Gay 30-something female that just ended a committed relationship with a mono partner, Alex, and in the midst of NRE with a new lover, K.
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