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Old 03-20-2012, 08:00 PM
ViableAlternative ViableAlternative is offline
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 67

Originally Posted by Jericka View Post
Also, any guy who expresses in any way that he feels he is owed sex? I run. This is NOT a safe attitude to be around.
Though it's not really my style to post just to say, "Yeah, what s/he said", well.... Yeah. What Jericka said.

And to reiterate: NOT SAFE. As in, don't spend alone time with a guy like that. Because it is NOT SAFE. That guy? He is not safe for you to be around. Wish I could somehow make it even clearer.

That said, were it not for the fact that the woman is married to this self-absorbed dickwad, I'd want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Nowhere in your post did you say that SHE said anything untoward that night. How did she respond when her husband said she should "fuck the shit" out of your boyfriend? Did she say, "Dude. That was really crass. That would be really cruel, I would never hurt her, don't say things like that." Or did she say "Hell yeah, if only that stupid bitch wasn't dating him...." Her response might really meter how I felt about her in such a situation. All the same, she's a package deal (everyone is, to some degree or other; everyone has baggage), and the package includes her attatchment to her husband. Even if you and your boyfriend have no involvement with the guy, that, for me, is too close for comfort.

If your boyfriend insists on giving her or them the benefit of the doubt, that doesn't mean that you have to. Though the nude pic thing would bother me too, it's still something your boyfriend should decide for himself. Make your relationship agreements and boundaries with him, and trust him. Let him make his own choices about who he wants in his friends circle. Just know that you get to choose your own friends circle, and these crazy buggers don't have to be in it. I would, personally, never associate with the man again. You DO NOT owe him or ANYONE sex, EVER, and DO NOT deserve to be thought of as a hole that's been teasing him.

Lastly.... Maybe you can show this thread to your boyfriend. I get the feeling that he might not "get" how serious and dangerous the man's way of thinking is for you. Maybe seeing what other, experienced, polyamorous people feel about such statements will help reassure him that you're not overreacting in wanting to back away from these people. Just, whatever your boyfriend decides for himself, do take steps to ensure your own safety. I really do recommend not being alone with the husband, ever. Sad that women have to be proactive about their safety instead of naturally being secure in such things, but it is what it is.
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