thanks for your good questions and feedback again, MeeraReed. very helpful.
i've been trying to be extra attentive to alex, doing things with her that i know she enjoys. the sex between us has not been going well though, as i am feeling it even less than usual with alex lately. i remember seeing something about "the top 10 lies of polyamory" or something like that at one point and one of the statements was "sex with outside partners does not change my sex life with my primary at all" or something along those lines. so i wonder if this extra big dip in my sex drive with alex is normal since things with K are in such overdrive right now, or if its really a red flag or maybe just something that will come back after things with K even out a bit. sex with alex has never been extraordinary, as i have mentioned before, so maybe this is to be expected. however, sometimes i find myself wanting to pull back even when she just wants to make out, which is something relatively new.
even though i am not clear about my answer to the "what is love?" question and whether or not i want to use that term to define what i am feeling for K, its pretty clear to me that the situation with k is not and never will be a situation where she would supplant my primary partnership with alex. she is such an adventurous soul with a tremendous history of being a "wild child" which makes for great stories and excitement but also makes me appreciate the stability and dependability that alex brings as a primary partner with whom i share a mortgage and a car payment, etc.
Gay 30-something female that just ended a committed relationship with a mono partner, Alex, and in the midst of NRE with a new lover, K.