Originally Posted by Ilove2men
Which is why the emotional disconnect. I always tried to keep my spirit safe and unbroken through all of it. As much as the abuse told me these horrible things about myself there was a place deep down inside of me that was safe and I could tell myself I have a beautiful and unique spirit and that at least one person in the world saw the beauty of me... and that person was me and it was my job to protect that precious spirit from the world. So the challenge is to release that spirit around the people I love when im in a vunerable position.
That explains it so well and I know that feeling exactly. The good part of that is that you can build a strong sense of self and a really authentic person that way. The hard part is believing that you aren't the only person who is capable of seeing that. Though I would say that I always felt the need to protect that inner spirit because I didn't believe in my own ability to keep that spirit alive while still sharing it with other people. Once I believed that this part of myself was worthy enough to be in the world and not kept protected in my inner sanctum I was able to be open and commit to being open to any love that came my way. That's where I had to change what I was telling myself.