We have discusses the 'what ifs' and we are open to separate dates. I think we have been wanting to wade in slowly because it seems that's the best way, for us at least, to take things slow so that we can manage any emotions that come up well & not feel overwhelmed. For us getting together separately on the same nights was a big step. I am open to dating separately but the couple we're seeing is more interested in the 'community' dynamic and prefers this sort of set up.
I've expressed to him (him being the other gentleman) my concern if that is realistic long term because of the fact that there are four separate people involved with four separate personalities & sets of wishes. He seems to think that if everyone is wanting to work hard & being considerate it will all work out until it doesn't. That's another concern I have... It is worrisome that if I develope strong feelings for him & she decides it no longer works for her then it seems it would be over. Hard to invest feelings that you know are vulnerable to not one but two people.
We did have a great evening for just the four of us to get together this weekend. The dynamic of the four of us seems to work well for now.
But then again we're thrown back into wondering because of the difference in how they handle things. He texts me often and is very flattering & we are excited to see each other again. But Hubby asks her tonight if she'd like to get together this week again & she says she's driving & will talk shortly. An hour later she says she's tired & will talk later with no mention of his proposal to get together later in the week.
That's another quirk in of itself that's frustrating. We are starting to feel like we can't make plans that we initiate. The only date we've had that one of us initiated was when I asked him & he nailed her down to a decision. She's made a big deal that she's a free spirit and every date has been at their whim. That's getting old. Free spirit or not I think we should be able to ask if they'd like to do something without feeling like it's an issue. This is a girl that refuses to wear a watch because it ties her to something - just a descriptive of how much of a free spirit she is. This can be a cute & endeering quirk but at the same time consideration for others are very important to me/us.
I feel like these are things that need to be discussed but previously when we attempted to talk it was met with an explanation that they want to live in the moment etc...