Originally Posted by WalkingTheBlue
I've always viewed my wife's friendship with our friend as having the dynamic of a romantic relationship. Most of the people we work with think that the two of them are having some sort of secret lesbian affair. I know that people are going to feed into rumors no matter what, but that tells me I'm not the only one who sees it. I not sure if I'm just hoping against hope, but I think she might be feeling some of these things that I'm feeling and isn't ready to come to terms with it yet.
This. And the strength of her reaction say to me that perhaps she's had these thoughts and/or feelings and rejected them. Perhaps it's too close to home and that's why she's mad.
I had a girlfriend when I was in my early twenties (all of them). She was the love of my life (I mean that like all you read in romances and fairy-tales. She was it.). She was often mistaken from behind for a boy. She had very narrow hips, and for a time, very short hair. She often wore jeans and high-tops and a leather jacket. She would go ballistic when people mistook her for a guy. Many, many years later, I learned from a mutual acquaintance that was a man now. I cried that night, because it felt like my gf had died. I had the tremendous luck and pleasure to run into him the grocery store parking lot one day. He was every bit as hot as I remembered, but so odd to see him gray-haired.
Anyway, I spent a fair amount of time thinking on his transition. And one of the thoughts was about the anger at being mistaken for a guy. It actually made sense to me after awhile. I realized that he must've been terribly traumatized by actually being a man, when his body and society said he was a girl. To think that someone could see inside would have been tortuous, I think.
So, I just wanted to offer a slightly different perspective. It is possible that when she's able to process some of the initial shock and anger and whatever, that things could change.
hang in there.