Redpepper, that's exactly what I want to explore. Connecting with him beforehand and trying to maintain it while being physical and if I lose that connection stop the physical part and reconnect emotionally again. I think it will take a lot of time as well, but I am excited of the possibility of success.
It would be wonderful to be a fly on the wall and see someone else in this vunerable state and witness the outcome. Speaking about all of this has me envisioning this happening to myself and the biggest think I notice is that the vision of it triggers thoughts of vunerability and is this something I will feel safe in. So I see that this will be a very sensitive issue for me to overcome. That will take a lot of trust in myself. I do trust him with my safety. Its my emotional health that I question. Its scary to think of breaking down and releasing that pain while being physical and what he will think of me during this. I have a strong feeling that I may react that way at first because stepping over that line I've drawn all these years and not even knowing it was there could very well be extremely overwhelming.
I think that as we work on our communication skills I will be able to find the words to explain how delicate this will be for me. My biggest fear is my self defense mechanism has always been to lash out and push away when I feel too vunerable which would be damaging for the both of us. So this is something I need to look deeper into before I am ready to try to merge the two.