Ceoli, I went through something similar where anyone who showed and interest in me made my stomach turn and I would lash out if someone was being to aggressive in pursuing me. I knew someone who specifically targeted small women who was in fact a child molester and with me being 5'1 and 96 lbs I questioned why anyone would truly be attracted to me in a healthy way. So I avoided everyone who showed interest in me.
So, I had to take a good hard look at myself physically and litterally trace my finger on the mirror over every curvy part of my body and embrace myself as a woman.
Ceoli, from your personal experience do you think that the self protect mode on seperating the emotional and physical can be completely overcome or do I need to reduce my expectations somewhat to protect myself from feeling defective and damaged again, if I can't connect on that level everytime.