I would love for her to read some of the blogs I've been reading and see the point of view that is shared on this forum. I think it would really help her understand wher I'm coming from. She's just too shocked right now (I think). After all, I've had a while to process all of this and I'm sure she feels caught off guard. I hope in time that she is able to accept me the way that I am. I didn't ask for any of this. It's just the way I ended up feeling. I can't help that, and I can't just turn it off.
I've always viewed my wife's friendship with our friend as having the dynamic of a romantic relationship. Most of the people we work with think that the two of them are having some sort of secret lesbian affair. I know that people are going to feed into rumors no matter what, but that tells me I'm not the only one who sees it. I not sure if I'm just hoping against hope, but I think she might be feeling some of these things that I'm feeling and isn't ready to come to terms with it yet.
I've never been a one night stand kind of guy. I've only slept with three women in my life: the mother of my daughter, and the two women in question. I've never felt ashamed of the number, I've just always equated sex with intimacy. I didn't just accept every offer that got put on the table. This wasn't some macho thing about having two women all the time. I've often thought about the three of us just cuddling on the couch watching tv, and the idea brought me comfort.
Despite all of this I can't help but feel that I've already lost my wife. I told her that I won't give up on us and I meant it. Even if it is just the two of us, I'd never view our marriage as being lesser because of it. Even though I feel so lost and distraught, I will give her the time she needs to preocess all of this. I know it's a lot.
Thank you everyone. Its so great that I have a supportive community like this to express myself. I will update you as things progress.