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Old 03-19-2012, 08:57 PM
matellas matellas is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: kansas
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[QUOTE=nycindie;129435]Um, hello? Why would she move in with him, or him with her, when, according to you, he "has no idea that she is thinking this?" WHA-A-A-A???

Just because it's poly doesn't mean that an attraction automatically becomes a live-in partner!

Come on, now. Telling her to move out of your place, fine, but it's way too soon for them to live together. Polyamorous relationships still go through phases of courtship and getting to know one another, like any romance does, and waiting six months to a year before even thinking about cohabiting is generally a good idea. If you agree to poly, you can do all sorts of things like not be home when she's getting ready, or she goes on simple coffee dates first but respects your boundaries limiting how physical she can be with him.

QUOTE]

I guess that's the thing though about sending her out of the house. I don't think I would be ok watching it go on. I feel as if having her out of the house I could actually not have to think about it and could concentrate on myself and my kids. It's this tearing feeling in my stomach and my heart to think that she would be on a date with someone else. More so they have been on dates already. I say date but they see each other every night at work, they spend time "as friends" going out to eat or getting a drink or socializing with others. My work schedule prevents me from being able to spend as much time with her as I would like to so she began to fill that time making friends from work and that's how this began. Essentially the courtship has already been happening for a few months now. Has there been anykind of intimacy? All she has told me is that they slept in the same bed once and cuddled but nothing else has happened. But they talk on the phone throughout the day and text as well. If she is being honest then the only thing missing so far is the actual physical touching from courtship. I know there is a lot more than that to be had with courtship. But know also that she has spent the night on numerous occasions with him while we were having issues between us.

I understand what your saying that I may surprise myself but I have already had to watch her get ready to go out on other occasions knowing this guy would be there. I have gone with her the night before as she goes shopping and then met up with her the next night as she is wearing the outfit she bought to go out with him. I had no idea that the tight black top she had purchased would be to wear for him the next night. I guess I feel as if I have already partly been living with her seeing someone else. It's not exactly the same and there has been a HUGE loss of communication as it washappening but that's why I feel as if her being in the house would just be the straw that broke the camels back if this is to go on. I would rather her immerse herself into what she thinks she wants and find out for sure. Not that I don't want to be a part of it but as if I have spent two years sacrificing time, money and emotions to get all the way to being able to ask her marry me and then someone else is swoping in and taking that away. I don't know if I want to feel tied to someone who doesn't want the exact same or who in her words "doesn't think she could be doing what I'm doing right now."
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