Thread: What is want?
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Old 03-19-2012, 07:49 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by dingedheart View Post
Very early into this journey I dumped the word needs from all discussions for the very reasons you stated. For me its all wants. In the needs category are food, water, shelter, sleep, satellite tv (with DVR) ...Not joking the DVR really changed my life no going back.
In Non-violent communication (NVC) there might be objection to this way of looking at "need." Its understood, in its practice, as humans "needing" more than just what "Maslow's hierarchy of needs" suggests. We live in a Western society, most of us here. We usually have shelter, water, food, etc. covered. Our needs are on a different level of the pyramid.

Maslow's list I think is at the bottom level, and the next layer up might be more where most of us are. The goal would be to work up the pyramid to become completely without "need;" fulfilled. The layer up from Maslow includes intimacy, giving and receiving love, spending time with others in group settings, positive words and energy exchanged in communication etc. Stuff like that. Can't remember exactly.

I think it very important to remind people of their needs if you think of this layer of the pyramid. We don't become fully balanced and grounded people by having shelter, water and clothing etc. The "need" discussion comes in often when talking about jealousy and envy in poly for instance. As it does when people start out with boundaries or rules. All those needs become really important. "Wants" are more to do with the icing on the cake, I think. For instance, someone might say, "I need you to come home tonight as I am feeling anxious about you expressing your love to another as it makes me think you love me less. I want you to come home at 8pm. Is that something you can accommodate me on?" (Stuck the difference between "feeling" and "thinking" in there also, which also comes from NVC )

I can't remember the specifics on this right now, so this might be my own rendition of what I have learned, but there it is in a bit of a nut shell... For what its worth.
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