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Old 03-19-2012, 07:18 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,571

Um, hello? Why would she move in with him, or him with her, when, according to you, he "has no idea that she is thinking this?" WHA-A-A-A???

Just because it's poly doesn't mean that an attraction automatically becomes a live-in partner!

Come on, now. Telling her to move out of your place, fine, but it's way too soon for them to live together. Polyamorous relationships still go through phases of courtship and getting to know one another, like any romance does, and waiting six months to a year before even thinking about cohabiting is generally a good idea. If you agree to poly, you can do all sorts of things like not be home when she's getting ready, or she goes on simple coffee dates first but respects your boundaries limiting how physical she can be with him.

There is a whole stage of negotiating you seem to be skipping here. You also have to trust each other, and not give in to suspicious thoughts.

On the other hand, I am glad to hear that you voiced your heartfelt feelings and were able to say what you needed to. There will surely be many more difficult talks. But I wouldn't send her into his arms just yet, nor would I assume right now that you know how you will handle any of it later on. You might surprise yourself.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 03-19-2012 at 07:35 PM.
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