Thread: New Partner
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Old 03-19-2012, 06:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trevorski View Post
She is older and from what I gather from our conversations she has only been involved with serious relationships, but is willing and wants to get involved with me. But she doesn't want to know about anyone I am with or seeing, I am very open and honest about my relationships and feel weird now like I have things to hide. Does her not wanting to hear or talk about the others that big of a deal??
I know lots of people will tell you that they could not live without total openness and full disclosure all day! all the time! but this doesn't really sound like a DADT policy to me. I don't even think she's saying it has to be a rule. It just sounds like someone new to the idea of polyamory who is very interested in you and aware of her personal comfort zones. It could simply mean that she's okay with your other involvements but knows it will make her feel weird to hear about them. I bet, if things do become sexual between you, she also would want some privacy surrounding any intimate times she has with you, and wouldn't want you blabbing about the sex you have with her to anyone. What's the harm in that, really? Some people are just more private than others.

If you've been poly for a while, you probably take all the sharing and meeting metamours and full disclosure and calendar wrangling for granted. That is probably foreign territory to her. That doesn't mean it can't change if things continue nicely between the two of you and she gets more comfortable with the basic concepts of poly.

I say, take a chance! It could turn out to be a very satisfying relationship for you both. Apart from talking about safe sex and making sure she understands the solidity of your commitments to other people, give her the benefit of the doubt and respect her wishes not to want details. There's more to the lives we lead than whom we fuck. Just because people are poly doesn't mean they have to be talking about all the other people in their lives whenever they're out with someone.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 03-19-2012 at 06:33 PM.
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