Anne and DH:
Originally Posted by dingedheart
No what? you don't know the employment or work schedules. or no it's not a hypothetical.
Again ...you took issue with my phrase building a hypothetical...which I used because you inserted a set of facts (if one partners works and the other doesn't) which I missed in the op.
What about the other 2 questions?
Okay so to get rid of the hypothetical, Legs- who I can see Sunday evenings through Saturday mornings, has an entirely open schedule. He does work, but he makes his own hours and doesn't have to take time off or PTO or anything like that. He often spends the weekends on trips. If he wants me for a weekend, he tells me in advance and I confirm it with Wolf. We do take trips from time to time.
Wolf has a very strict schedule and works long hours. He also lives in a different city. This is why I schedule Saturday and Sunday to him. It is impossible to see him during the week.
I do very much feel like I have two primary relationships; I think I just haven't been labeling it correctly. I thought if time is specifically deferred to one person... well it doesn't matter because I was wrong, and I feel better about changing the classification.
Neither of the men has asserted displeasure about the current time schedule.
As an update: My discussion with Legs was a very good one. I feel like a lot was sorted out and I was feeling better, too. I definitely had issues with his love for this other woman WHEN I THOUGHT HE WAS MONOGAMOUS. Because to be with her, he would leave me. Naturally, I didn't want this. However, he feels as if he loves us both, which removes me anxiety. I would be very happy for him to gain more love for someone else.
I've also had to live with the situation of if he found something more stable, he would leave me. If he doesn't have to leave because he finds someone more compatible for monogamy, then I'm definitely feeling more secure. Yesterday was my one-year Anniversary with Legs. He has gone on a trip to the east coast and will be back tomorrow.
nycindie: I know it's a public forum, and I really don't mind him reading it. It was the fact that he went through my e-mail-I believe I left it open on the computer, found the forum, and searched my name. I'm really not upset about it; he was curious, and as I said it's irregular behavior. Thanks for that last line: you're right, I DON'T think of him as secondary, but I like the ease of the terminology.