Thank you for your compassionate words. I felt much better knowing I would tell her. It was a great relief to tell her who I was and plan to move forward growing closer and knowing she could love me without deception.
She feels that she already is less important than anyone else because it was so important to me to tell her this now. I knew in my heart that she could never doubt my love and feelings for her, but that was not the case. She sees this only in that I have lied to her all this time since I have always had these feelings. I've recommended articles and sites to her but she doesn't have any interest.
Things are now worse than they were before I told her who I am. My outlets for this haven't been healthy (I've not touched another woman since we started dating but I have played online to keep things from getting serious and feel some connection, albeit temporary) but now that I have admitted what outlets I do use her trust issues are compounded.
I don't know that therapy is the answer for us. I know I am portraying my wife as unreasonable but she had no idea apparently and I had no idea the level of betrayal she would feel. For now I will subvert my own needs for those of my family and hope that I can control them better in the future.
Thank you again for your compassion and understanding.