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Old 03-19-2012, 04:35 PM
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bastet bastet is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: NYC
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Post her him me him her questions

Hi I'm new here. Posted a short bio in the introductions thread. Synopsis Female Bi / Poly / N00b

Longish mental debate/question session about to commence:

All of our (Husband & I) contacts have currently involved women because there is one taboo/boundary that isn't quite ready to be crossed for husband. That would be men. LSL (husband) is still not comfortable with the idea of me being with other men. He is entertaining it, examining why it bothers him, debating his engrained reactions (for this alone I love him to pieces). The caveat, I want this, I have even entertained finding my own couple to be with in "ideal scenario situations".

I should mention here perhaps that the sex bond w/ LSL is healthy happy & better than it was when we started this exploration. Yah positive open sex talk! It really healed and bonded us in ways we didn't expect.

Perhaps ironically opportunity knocked sooner than expected amidst out talks & debates on the matter. I met a boy, a special boy. Another poly in a similar situation to mine. Our spouses want to entertain their own pursuits, with us periodically included yet can't bear the idea that we might find joy in others sans them.

We have met, stole glances, sipped coffee, laughed & traded trickles of verbal intimacy. Neither of us, unfortunately, feel comfortable discussing this development with our respective spouses. We want them to have their pursuits without the stress of us, whatever it is or will be. We acknowledge that it's deceitful. It's the topic of discussion whenever we meet. Neither of us want to leave them, hurt them or disrupt their current ventures into polyamory as they are experiencing it. We just wish instead of this smoldering thing between us, that it could be out. Yet this would be a two-fold disaster 1 hurting our spouses (feeling betrayed etc.) and 2 possibly making them both backtrack their own pursuits.

So we are poly minded? - yet unfaithful? - cheerleaders to our poly venturing partners but acknowledge that what we are feeling is in the shadows. I've done all the rationalization, it's ethically wrong, truth is the only truth, this will lead to no good. Still, I find myself developing something with a like mind while hoping that LSL will find dating his current crush fulfilling enough that he will perhaps understand me better. Through action comes understanding and all that mumbo.

It will most likely all go to shit because I've broken my personal rule. 15+ yrs and it's never been an issue. Irony, on the precipice of my favorite human in the world's further awakening, I hold some influence to make it less than beautiful. So is the naked truth the true path here? Is a wait, be silent, observe young padawan better or some other unforeseen option?

(note LSL & boys Wife are not involved nor do they really know one another, yet. They are pursing partners dependent of us all.)

Since I wrote this (yesterday), LSL has contacted the girl crush and she has accepted a coffee date after work. I'm excited for him, feel like maybe I shouldn't be this excited for him but it's the first emotion that came up.
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