Originally Posted by rory
Oh yeah, abuse preps for more abuse, that's for sure. But knowing how to love somebody despite them constantly hurting and harming you is not really a good thing. It may not be a bad thing either, but that requires very good boundaries. Ones that don't allow the harming. You can love from a distance and sometimes that's the only healthy way.
I agree about abusive relationships. I'd like to point out that abusive people usually hold a lot of anger against themselves and others that runs pretty deep, and it is possible to get over this (possible, not common).
I've also noticed with some people in my life, they go through some dark times and get borderline abusive, if their partner remains compassionate and loving, it's possible to pull them through. More often than not, however, the abused believes they can fix the abuser when it's more than just a dark spell over the abuser. Sometimes people just... aren't meant to team up together.
I suppose it was said best to me in this manner: Love brings out the best and worst in us. It's really easy to hate and mistreat the people you love when things go downhill. At that point, I'm not sure it's salvageable.
I'm really happy to see someone going through it having a sensible head on their shoulders.
Yup, I've been thinking I need to try to solve this situation like I solved it the last time: downsize, distance and deinvest. Atm the positives of this relationship are not outweighing the negatives.
Good luck, BU.