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Old 03-18-2012, 11:18 PM
matellas matellas is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: kansas
Posts: 23

Thank you for the welcome. I don't know if its bravery so much as a need to have some understanding and advice and maybe even some guidance. I have begun to read some other posts but haven't gotten that far yet unfortunately. As for the kids, they have all my love but not all time. I have to pay attention to one and cannot pay attention to the other. They have feelings of jealousy and frustration from that. But they don't have a choice as in I'm only one dad. Sharing my fiance with someone else means that I always putting her first but that isn't true for her. My life is full of little time and lots of stress. Knowing that she is committing herself to someone who doesn't benefit me feels like a loss to me. That is selfish on my part but I want to give 100% of myself to someone who wants the same. More than love I've never cheated but now I'm allowing my fiance to have another partner. I believe that humans are not meant to be monogamous but we are due to complications in emotions and feelings. I don't know how to watch all the little things in relationship blossom between two people in front of my eyes. Watch pictures of them go up on the mantle, cards and flowers exchanged etc. I can get past the sex but the love will kill me. On the flip side of this as she has told me today that she doesn't think she could do what I'm doing. That she's sorry for hurting me but she thinks I'm brave for even considering the idea to begin with. I've told her that if I didn't have the feelings I had for her I would've already been gone. But I would keep an open mind on all of this.
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