matellas, welcome to the forum. I think it's pretty brave of you to come here and talk about it.
I'm wondering if you're reading other stories here. I think you could learn a lot about 'how it works' and that there is no one single way to 'do' polyamory. Every group has to work out what works for them.
My other question is about your kids. Do each of them only get half of you in love?
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)