Originally Posted by nycindie
You can't be everything to a person, even if you are both happily monogamous. People need other people in their lives, friends, connections, diversity of thought and ideas, socializing, hobbies, etc. It's just that in poly, that also includes romance and most probably sex with other people as well.
In the beginning we were everything to each other. For about the first year or more. Then I got a promotion and got busy working 80-90 hours a week. She wants to be treated as number one (after the kids of course) and for awhile she wasnt getting that from me due to work. I know she can have friends and other things as well. We both want those things but as I have asked her why can't it stay friends? This sounds silly but she used to tell me I was her Edward from twilight and that now this guy is her jacob. I don't know if that reference helps any or not. The romance part for me is harder than the sex. Not to be graphic but I could almost handle her inside of him. I can't handle the look on her face of love when she is.
Now you are getting ahead of yourself and projecting scenarios that may not even happen. You and she need to discuss this at length before anything happens. Ask her about the deadline. Find out why such an urgency. let her know yoru fears. Talk, talk, talk.
How old are the two of you?
As for the urgency I think its because she doesn't want to wait on this. There is such a chemistry between the two of them that she can't handle it going on for much longer. It drives me crazy. He spent the night last night as we were all drinking. He slept on the couch and nothing happened. But just having him there when she is in the room with him and i'm not I'm becoming paranoid. I'm barely getting sleep before I go to work because I have this fear something will happen when I'm not around. She promises it won't until I say yes or no. Actually as far as I know from what she has told me he has no idea that she is thinking this. I'm sure he has assumptions but nothing has been discussed.
I'm 34 and she is 28.