Originally Posted by rory
There are some immediate emotional rewards that a symbiotic/co-dependent relationship offers, and those can be lucrative particularly in NRE or if one is (unconsciously) scared of independence whether it's fear of failure or fear of abandonment. But that kind of a dynamic is often just frighteningly unhealthy (depending on the extent to which the couple comes before the individual).
Agreed! For me, the most difficult part of cultivating independence in a relationship is
a) to be able to separate my emotions from my partner's emotions (just because they feel sad/angry/frustrated/whatever, doesn't mean I have to feel those same things. I can be supportive without sharing their emotions)
b) to be able to separate my actions and motives from my partner's (if I don't feel like having sex after a big fight, my partner wanting sex after the fight doesn't mean they are inconsiderate and weren't affected in any way - they might feel the need to connect emotionally that way).